The Blurb

Both ski socks and flip flops are pretty everyday objects (if you are the kind of exciting person who, like me, likes to go to snowy mountains and tropical beaches, not if you are a boring recluse). Most of what I write about will, I suspect, seem slightly crazy to your average 'vanilla'. But, to me, kink is so integrated into my life that I sometimes don't notice that it is a bit odd.

Ski socks and flip flops are also both totally contradictory to each other. This, in part, reflects the fact that I go by the online psuedonym 'Walking Oxymoron'. But it also explains me very well. I do not look like someone who you might imagine to be a sexual deviant. When out and about, I don't act any differently from anyone else. In fact, I like to think that I appear fairly innocent and demure.

This blog is about the other side of me - my dark side. Specifically, the emotional side of it. Behind the whips and canes and other fun things is a variety of very normal 'vanilla' feelings. They just choose to display themselves in some unconventional places...

Monday, 3 January 2011

Sex

A simple title for a simple topic, and one that has been on my mind a lot recently. How does sex mesh with kink in my life?

Everyone I have spoken to about this comes from a different standpoint, but I would say that, for the vast majority, sex and BDSM are linked. Most of these people seem to see their 'kink' activities as part of their sex life in one way or another. This somehow doesn't quite feel compatible with my personal sex life, but I can't work out why. However, much reflection has led me to think that, rather than kink being part of my sex life, sex is a part of my kink. I really REALLY struggle to initiate sex. And questions like 'was that good?' or 'do you want to do this?' I just can't answer. In fact, they make me uncomfortable. I can only really enjoy sex when it is forced upon me and I have no choice in the matter. But why? It does make it rather difficult sometimes...particularly when I want, but there is noone there to provide. Also, sex without some kind of domination or pain is just not sex to me. Its fun, but it doesn't turn me on and doesn't feel right. I think that every kinky person has an 'is this normal?' moment at some point, and this may be mine.
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2 comments:

  1. Emma3 January 2011 at 15:53

    "And questions like 'was that good?' or 'do you want to do this?' I just can't answer. In fact, they make me uncomfortable."
    YES. A thousand times yes. I often literally freeze and panic if someone asks me what I want to do (sexually) or wants me to initiate and take charge. Even if I don't panic I continue under the cloud of 'is this what they wanted/am I doing it right.' Part of my personal crisis of 'am I sub?' comes from wondering if I'm just too frightened to be anything else. Here's hoping I have one of those moments of realisation some time soon, ha.

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  2. Walking Oxymoron3 January 2011 at 16:09

    I'm glad I'm not the only one! I refuse to answer questions during sex. Its a huge turn off because, as you said, I then worry.

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