Self Domination

I often refer to myself as someone who ‘self-dominates’. I think that this is something that most driven, ambitious people must do to some extent, but am unsure as to exactly how such people go about this. I create imaginary characters that act as my dominant in various situations. These change over time, with some coming out more often than others at various stages in my life, but they have always been there. I have three primary inner dominants:

1. Nanny

My nanny was the first character that I created. I think that she has been with me since I was around 4 or 5 years old – around the same time that I started tying myself up. She is a strict Mary Poppins. She looks after my basic needs. She makes sure that I get to bed on time, that I stay in my bed and relax (of course, sometimes she ties me down), that I eat all of my dinner and that I take my medicines. She is also well versed in all medical maladies, to which she usually takes a ‘stop your complaining, you will be fine’ approach.  She believes that there is very little that cannot be cured with a brisk walk in the cold.  She is a very loving character, though she sets very rigid boundaries. Her primary form of punishment is disappointment, though she will occasionally withdraw treats too.

2. The Schoolmaster

The Schoolmaster is responsible for ensuring my continued success at work. He does not have a nice side – like my other inner dominants, he allows Nanny to issue rewards. He is a fan of micro-management and rigid structure, and often sets me tasks (such as ‘finish writing this paragraph’) with time windows as short as 10 minutes.  His favorite threats are to tie me to the desk until I finish, to withdraw internet access, and to make me work longer hours or give me a ‘detention’ if I do not do as well as I should. Sometimes, if he feels that harsher treatment is necessary, he refers me to The Sergeant for punishment.

3. The Sergeant 

The Sergeant takes care of my physical fitness, and is responsible for dishing out harsh punishments: The other characters tend to refer to him for severe offenses. He is a sadist, and loves to dish out a beasting. As he does so, he is constantly shouting encouragement in my ear and reminding me of the fact that he will make me repeat the exercise if I fail to complete it. Of course, this very rarely happens because he knows my limits and how to push them just the right amount. Once I have finished the exercise, he rarely offers any congratulations. He always expects me to finish, regardless of how much it hurts. If I am having a bad day, then he will refer me to Nanny.

There are a couple of other characters that come out every so often, including The Dietician, The Head Doctor and The Housemistress, however they are less well defined and their presence is more fleeting than the other characters. They all, however, help me to manage my life and I couldn’t be without them.

At some points during my life, the people with whom I have been in a relationship with have tried to take on some of the roles of these characters. However, the characters have always remained with me. I would like to integrate them with my submission, but, given how well my internal dominants know me, it is incredibly difficult to externalize them. Instead, the character takes on the voice of the person to whom I am submitting. Lilith, for example, makes a particularly good Schoolmaster and he often takes on her voice.

So, there we go. I have admitted it – I am a fully-grown adult with imaginary friends who regularly discipline me.  I hear voices in my head. But I don’t think there is any need to call the men in white coats just yet (well, there is, but that is for totally different reasons). It is just my way of talking myself through life. A way in which I am able to dominate myself. And a pretty successful one thus far I think.