How Do You Create Submission?

If you were directed here from my twitter feed, where I entitled this post ‘I am no longer a masochist’, I’m afraid I was lying. I am still a masochist, in that I still get these kinds of feelings from pain. However, my cravings for heavy pain/fear/other extreme play have all but disappeared.

They have been replaced by a very strong craving for a very specific feeling – that of submission. Okay, so I have been craving that feeling all along, but I think I have finally put my finger on exactly what I mean by that. I want to be able to lose myself through doing exactly what I am asked without thought. I want to be what some people call a ‘twue sub’. 

I can explain this far more clearly through example. When I first started exploring, I played regularly with a very competent dominant. There was one incident in which I made her a cup of tea with milk that had gone off. She looked at me and, with an incredibly intense tone of calm, she told me that if I expected her to drink it, it was only fair that I should drink it too. She instructed me to go to the kitchen and pour myself a half-pint sized glass of milk. I hate the taste of milk at the best of times, and sour milk is nauseating. But, without even thinking about it, I raised the glass to my lips. She stopped me just before the milk hit my tongue. I was in such a deeply submissive place that my dislike of milk was totally irrelevant. In another incident, I was playing with her and another of her submissive partners. I was desperate for a wee, and she told me that I had to hold it in until we had got dinner. She then sent the other girl and I to pick up a take-away. The girl was incredibly surprised when I didn’t go to the loo in the restaurant. I was really bursting, but the thought hadn’t occurred to me to do that. I had just accepted the instruction. I did not need to think about it, just to take it in and accept it.

As yet, I’m not sure what it is that gets me to that place, but I suspect that there are two key things. Firstly, a calm, gentle yet authoritative approach by the dominant. I don’t think that pain is the key. Of course, pain play can be part of the entire scene, but I am starting to believe that the use of pain and fear as a mechanism by which to make me feel submissive actually has the opposite effect and makes me angry. Secondly, a protocol based approach with incredibly clear instructions that leave very little open to interpretation. Such as ‘go and fetch a half pint glass of water and return to the position that you are currently in.’ Being left to work out what is expected of me when I am in that submissive state risks pulling me straight back out of it. There have been two occasions of late, with two separate people, when I have had a glimpse of the deeply submissive feeling, and both had these things in common.

So what stops the ‘rules’ being broken? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing aside from my desire to be good. To not break the magic. To be the submissive. Of course there still have to be enforced boundaries, such as those laid out in both the gone-off-milk incident and the protocol play I have previously written about. But I don’t want to push these boundaries. I want to embrace them. I no longer wish to resist. It does not lead to the happy place.