Last weekend I felt a little bit like a small child who has been given a suitcase full of money to spend in the world's largest sweet shop. I was incredibly greedy and indulged in rather a lot of very fun play. It has taken me a week to get around to writing about it - I would like to write about it all, but I just don't have the time or energy to cover everything! I am therefore going to focus on one of my biggest kinks - exhibitionism. I have wanted to write about my exhibitionist streak for a while because it is something that I really enjoy and is one of my most prominent fetishes, and now I have the perfect opportunity to!
I have recently started playing with a very hot girl known as Lilith. We are finding out that a lot of our kinks are very similar, most noticeably the fact that we are both massive exhibitionists and thrive off of attention. Last Friday, we went to Pedestal together with a large crowd of friends. Since Pedestal is a predominantly heterosexual F/m club with heavy tones of protocol driven D/s play, we were going to stand out from the masses regardless. Which was just fine with us. I think the gentle playfighting at the beginning of the evening went fairly unnoticed as the place was still pretty empty. There was some rope play and a really good flogging, which felt fairly private at the time but which was followed by a steady stream of people expressing their awe at my masochism, which was nice and ego-boosting. I was therefore already fairly hyped up on endorphines as I sat at her feet and we discussed who would win in a fight. She seemed pretty confident that she could easily overpower me. If I was honest, I would have admitted defeat at that point - I was feeling fairly weak and feeble after the heavy beating. But I couldn't just let her win the argument, so I fought my corner. Having already been fairly thoroughly battered, I was pretty sure that the argument would remain verbal. Until she grabbed my collar and pulled me up to my feet, and slowly pulled on her leather biker gloves with big, metal knuckles. SHIT, thought I. But I sure as hell wasn't going to let her win. OK, so she is three times my strength and knows that I turn to jelly when she bites me, but I still fought. We attracted quite a crowd, many of whom had clearly not seen this type of play before. There were lots of gasps of 'is she OK?' and 'can she really do that?' as her fists hit various limbs. My mind was focussed on the fact that I was being completely overpowered and was slightly scared of the metal knuckledusters (only a slight exaggeration), but hearing the gasps in the background and seeing glimpses of faces between blows made that adrenaline rush doubly intense. Strangely, it also gave me a bit of a power rush, knowing that what I was doing could captivate an audience in such a way. That drove me to take more, to keep going and to keep trying to win (even though it was pretty futile (which, in itself, was very hot)). Afterwards, when I had recovered, we had several people approach us and say that they found it really sexy to watch, which made me smile and gave me a smug feeling. I like this kind of retrospective attention just as much as I enjoy an audience for play - it gives me the same power rush, accompanied by a feeling of pride in myself and, more importantly, in my play partner. It makes me feel attractive and noticed, which is an amazing feeling.
The following day, we both indulged our inner exhibitionists again, but in a very different way. Having stayed at Lilith's after Pedestal I had no outfit to wear to a party that evening, so she kindly lent me a stunning latex dress. With hideous matching frilly knickers. Which she made me wear. In the car, I threatened (for the twentieth time) to take them off. Her response to this was 'Well, if you take them off then I will have no choice but to drive you to a dogging site, bend you over the bonnet and spank you. Are you going to take them off?'
I didn't reply.
So, needless to say, we drove to a secluded wood where, in front of a crowd of strange men, she bent me over the bonnet and spanked me. This time, the attention felt less like adoration and applause and more wank fodder. But it got a very similar reaction out of me. The fact that I was receiving this type of attention made me feel sexually degraded, which is a huge turn on. But it also gave me a power rush, knowing that these people were looking at me. I didn't look at them because my head was hung in embarrassed shame, but secretly I was getting such a buzz from the whole thing.
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