About two weeks ago, I wrote about the anticipation of having my hair cut as part of humiliation scene. Since then, the taunting has continued, with constant mentions of the words 'short', 'cut', 'snip' and anything else that is vaguely relevant. Bunches and Doc got tickets for the three of us to go to Surrender together, and I was convinced that it was going to happen there. But then, last week, the taunting stopped. I asked about it, and was told that it wasn't going to happen and they had just been winding me up. This news was met with an outward sense of relief with an inner, very hidden, feeling of disappointment. But I believed them, and I was glad that I didn't have to mentally prepare for losing my hair because I wasn't sure that I could go through with it. Ever since I wrote the first blog, people have been telling me that they don't want to see my hair cut and that I will lose my appeal without it, so I was very definitely having second thoughts.
Last night, the three of us headed to Surrender, as planned. The hair cutting plan crossed my mind for a fleeting moment when Doc accused me of giving him a glare that 'cut right through him', but I dismissed it - I believed that it wasn't going to happen. I put a lot of effort into getting ready, creating a look that I hadn't really tried out before. I donned fishnet tights, shorts, a suit jacket, killer heels and bright red lipstick, and spent about half an hour trying to wrestle my hair into the perfect french plait, which I topped with a bowler hat. I felt sexy, confident and, bizarrely, slightly dominant. I was acting extremely bratty, and actually considered trying again to top someone.
After a couple of drinks, Bunches grabbed my hand and tried to lead me to the playroom. I protested - I was desperate for the loo, so I said that I would meet her up there. She refused, and accompanied me to the toilet. I thought this was a little weird, but I didn't really question it.
Once upstairs, Bunches sat me down in a corner with Doc with a drink. They both looked at me and made 'snip snip' gestures, but it still didn't cross my mind that they were planning to do it imminently. Doc decided that he wanted to do some rope with me, and Bunches disappeared while he tied me up. I was feeling fairly cantancerous, so I kept holding my hands in awkward positions and grabbing the rope. He played along, but it was at this point that I realised that there was something else brewing and that he and Bunches were up to something. I still didn't know what it was. It wasn't until my hands were inescapably tied above my head and Doc and Bunches looked me straight in the eyes, grinning at me, as Doc pulled out his cut throat razor that the realisation hit. I panicked, and started saying 'No, you can't do it now!'. They calmly replied 'Oh yes we can' and, with one swift movement, Doc had turned me so that the back of my head faced the rapidly growing audience, grabbed the end of my plait and sliced straight through it. I couldn't see it, but I heard it, and the noise was horrible - it sounded so brutal. I hit a state of total denial, disbelief and shock, and the adrenaline rush of it all went to my head. They took my plait out, and proceeded to brutally slice chunks out of it as they forced me to look at everyone who was watching. It felt like they were ctting the hair somewhere around the level of my ears! The reaction within me was very different to anything that I have ever experienced before - I went very giddy and giggly, and was struck speechless. I was getting high off of the fact that I now had no control over what they did at all - my inhibitions were ripped from me with my hair. I couldn't believe it was happening. At one point, Bunches made me watch the blade rip through a chunk of hair, which forced me to confront what was happening and accept it. I felt shocked and degraded, but this deepened the giggly, shocked state.
As the crowd gathered, they started cheering Doc and Bunches on, fueling my inner exhibitionist. They started making request, and from the background I heard someone yell 'shave it off!'. At this, Doc grabbed the nape of my neck and held the razor blade at the edge of my hair-line. He held it there for a couple of seconds before slowly moving it backwards. I could feel the blade catching the hair really close to my scalp, and when he moved it away a huge chunk of hair fell over my shoulder. I couldn't stop grinning and giggling, I was flying.
Eventually, they decided that they had taken enough. Bunches forced me to look at the GIANT pile of hair on the floor, and whispered in my ear that Doc was going to let me down and they wanted to watch me clear up the pile of hair. When I was untied, I sat on the floor, stroking the pile of hair. I couldn't believe that it was my hair in my hands. I was completely speechless, and I couldn't stop stroking it. They told me to hurry up, and started hitting me with the Dragon's Tail (an implement that Doc always calls 'motivation'). I was hardly aware of what was going on when they eventually moved me away from the area to let someone else use it.
I spent the next hour or so walking around the club in a giggly daze. I kept feeling the back of my head and stroking my hair, in total disbelief that it happened. Doc then decided to play with me, and I was so emotional that I cried all the way through it. I felt so deeply loved, despite my mutilated hair, as he did it that I just couldn't stem the flow of tears. It was as though he was telling me how proud he was of me. I hit subspace so quicky and floated off through the endless tears, still giggling and high.
An Afterthought:
I was recently asked whether I have now started to look for 'The Edge' again. The hair cutting scene was exactly that. It was something that I chose to do because I could. It served no purpose other than for me to broaden my list of things that I have experienced. It was uncharted territory for me. It was a fairly spontaneous decision, and it made me happy. It gave me the buzz that I often used to get from trying something knew and not worrying what people might think of me because of it. Have I got my mojo back?
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