Being 'Little'

Roleplay has never been something that has interested me. I have always felt that, unless I really truly believed it and felt that it was *real* in some way (rather than being based upon a fictitious back story), then I would never truly be able to immerse myself in it enough to enjoy it. However, I have recently found myself slipping naturally into the kinds of roles that I never thought could work. Kitty, for example, has been coming out far more often recently, although still not to her full extent. And, even more surprising to me, I have started to develop a childish alter-ego...


I have always enjoyed playing the innocent and being 'corrupted'. However, until now, ageplay has felt a bit weird. Firstly, I have never really understood what the 'older' party gets out of it. Secondly, given that I am a very maternal person, I have always been scared that it would illicit maternal feelings in me. And, in a sexual context, that would disturb me hugely. I felt the same uncomfortable trepidation about kitty play once upon a time, but when the kitty character emerged it did so naturally and formed almost as an extension to my own character rather than as something that I had to focus on to create. The same thing applies here - my inner child is not twisted and paedophilic, but rather an extension of my own adult personality that accentuates some of my more childlike desires.


I first noticed 'little one' when I was lay in someone's arms, being cradled tightly, head held against her chest and legs tucked up in her arms, hair being stroked. I suddenly noticed that I felt not only very safe and comfortable, but also protected and, for some reason, reliant. I felt that I was hanging on to her every word, seeing her as a figure of authority and higher standing. That didn't mean that I didn't want to challenge her authority - it actually made me feel incredibly cheeky - but it changed the framework in which my cheekiness was portrayed. I rather enjoyed the feeling of being referred to as 'little' - it accentuated that new power dynamic whilst allowing me to be inquisitive and test the boundaries. I also enjoyed being told that 'being punished had to be bad, because that was the only way I would learn. It was for my own good.' Usually, I enjoy the approach of the evil sadist, but this was the total opposite to that. There was a juxtaposition between the loving demeanor and the threat of horrible, nasty things, and that messed with my head in a very good way. It threw me off guard and made it very difficult to argue and fight back in my usual style. I reverted to behaving like a stroppy child who accepts their punishment because they can see no other option, but who will throw a tantrum about it nevertheless.


All of this stemmed from about 5 minutes of downtime, during which time there was no play at all. The dynamic that was created was completely unplanned, and, to me, seemed to stem from nowhere. In the same way that my kitty character is specific to Doc, I think that the 'little one' is created as much by the person that I was with as by myself. That isn't to say that I couldn't do it with someone else, but I think that a new character would have to naturally emerge.


Like kitty, 'little one' is a different side to me and opens up new avenues for different kinds of play. Both roles are incredibly relaxing and very liberating, allowing me to let go of some of my inhibitions for a short period of time and focus on ther parts of me that I like the most. I have only really dabbled my toe in both roles and feel that there is *so much* more to explore in this area. But I have to fall into the characters naturally, which makes it incredibly difficult to plan. Hopefully, though, there is more to come!