The Blurb

Both ski socks and flip flops are pretty everyday objects (if you are the kind of exciting person who, like me, likes to go to snowy mountains and tropical beaches, not if you are a boring recluse). Most of what I write about will, I suspect, seem slightly crazy to your average 'vanilla'. But, to me, kink is so integrated into my life that I sometimes don't notice that it is a bit odd.

Ski socks and flip flops are also both totally contradictory to each other. This, in part, reflects the fact that I go by the online psuedonym 'Walking Oxymoron'. But it also explains me very well. I do not look like someone who you might imagine to be a sexual deviant. When out and about, I don't act any differently from anyone else. In fact, I like to think that I appear fairly innocent and demure.

This blog is about the other side of me - my dark side. Specifically, the emotional side of it. Behind the whips and canes and other fun things is a variety of very normal 'vanilla' feelings. They just choose to display themselves in some unconventional places...

Monday, 8 November 2010

Brat

*Originally written 26th September 2010*

I have been given the name 'brat'. I am a brat, and I know that I am a brat. But I don't always want to be a brat. The thing is, its a defence mechanism. Unlike most, I don't (always) brat for attention. I will continue to brat even if I have attention. Its my way of controlling what is happening I guess. Its a bit of a security blanket, and it makes me feel comfortable. Plus, I enjoy it. I need to feel that I have a good reason to bend over or stay still or whatever it may be, and I like to feel forced and helpless. But at the same time, it annoys me because I can't stop and I know that sometimes I go to far and can even be insulting to people - that is not my intention at all. Doc can manage the brat in me, and he knows how to allow me to brat within boundaries. But now I want to know what it is like to give up that comfort blanket...I just don't know how to do it, and whether I am even capable of it. But its always fun to try things...
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