*Originally written 25th July 2010*
I love play, In fact I would describe myself as a total play whore. However, sometimes I play and it is somehow extremely powerful and very special, above and beyond the average play experience, and I feel the need to record what happened. This weekend was definitely one of those times.
To set the scene: I was at a house party, surrounded by people who, over the past few months, I feel incredibly lucky to have become very comfortable around. One minute, I am going to fetch myself a drink. The next, my boyfriend has his hand around my wrist. His other is hidden behind his back, but that doesn't stop me hearing the 'click' of the handcuffs. So, naturally, I pulled my wrist away. But, very quickly, he wasn't the only one who I was fighting, and I couldn't resist the combined strength of all of the people around me. My wrists were quickly cuffed to the railings of the mezzanine above me, and one of my legs wrapped in rope and also hitched up. I had clamps attached to my nipples, and two lovely men and a very sexy lady attacking my thighs with a cane. Now, I thought that that wasn't a very nice thing to spring on me from nowhere, so when they let me down I gave two of them a nice friendly, and in now way vicious, tap with my fist - just to make sure that they knew that they were both mean people. Apparently neither my boyfriend, the other bloke or his girlfriend appreciated it. Shocked looks spread across all faces; 'Ohooo, did you just punch us?'
Shit. Suddenly things had turned, and I knew that I was about to feel a whole new world of pain. Fuck balls bugger.
'Do you really think that you can punch us?'
Silence, and a pause. Then, suddenly, three or four people are manhandling me towards a spanking bench. I tried to escape, I really did, but I was totally outnumbered. My hands, thighs and ankles were forced into cuffs, and my torso strapped to the bench. An inflatable gag was shoved into my mouth.
From that point on, I have no idea who was hitting me, what they were using or how long it lasted. There are a few little snippets that I was aware of. I know that, at one point, three people were holding canes and taking it in turns to take a hit. That hurt. Someone was florentining with a flogger for a while, which felt AMAZING. And there was an evil wooden paddle and a crop (my personal nemisis), which both hurt like fuck. In fact, all I really remember is being in a LOT of wonderful pain, and feeling like I was really going to take a lot. From the pain, I was drawing very intense feelings of physical pleasure, a massive endorphine rush, and an incredible feeling of totally losing control of my body to the crowd of people in the room. I didn't lose awareness of the pain, as can sometimes happen, rather each blow was more intense, more painful, and yet more enjoyable. I was vaguely aware of the voices in the room, discussing what they were going to use next on me, but they turned into a blur behind the wall of sensation that I was lost in.
As time went on, I was becoming more and more sensitive. Just when I was getting close to tears, out came the fingernails of one of the most sadistic women I have met. The scratching on my highly sensitised skin honestly felt more like knife blades than fingernails. I tried to wriggle away from them but couldn't go anywhere. She kept relentlessly scratching and gouging at my flesh until she drew blood. Somewhere in the fogginess I heard her complaints: 'Why does she bleed so easily? We were trying to play noughts and crosses. Now we have to stop and clean up.' I was so sensitive that even the feeling of the antiseptic wipes across my back made my whole body tingle. I don't really remember being untied and let down, but I assume I collapsed into an over-sensitised mess with a huge grin.
I'm not sure what happened next. I assume I regained composure for a little while and socialised. But it's all a big blur. I know that, when I was put into the gyno chair, I was still slightly wobbly from the previous attack. But not so wobbly that I didn't make an escape attempt. Now, I would absolutely never take the piss out of the person who was trying to cuff me, so when it took him three attempts to restrain my wrists I absolutely didn't point out that 'I thought he was supposed to be good at this'. Apparently that wasn't such a good idea. I very quickly found myself completely restrained, to the extent that my hands were in mitts, I was gagged and my head was strapped to the chair so that I could only look in one direction. Wow that felt good. The feeling of being COMPLETELY restrained and helpless, slightly uncomfortable and without having even a millimetre of movement makes me all gooey inside. Total loss of control and inability to do anything but accept whatever may be coming. And what was coming hurt. A lot. In the spread eagle position that I was in, there really was only one target, and it was flogged repeatedly. And much harder than it had ever been flogged before. It wasn't long before I was in tears. Now, I have been reduced to tears by play many times before, but what happened next was totally new. The fact that I was crying didn't make me feel that I had to stop. I didn't safeword. And, with each hit, more tears flowed. I have never felt that helpless before, I was completely out of control of my bodily reactions, I couldn't move, and I couldn't stop the pain that was inducing the tears. When it stopped and I was released, I was a complete mess. There was snot and dribble everywhere, and eyeliner and mascara streaked all down my face, and yet I have never felt sexier.
After all that I had been through, my body was ridiculously sensitive, and I was curled up in a corner thinking that no more could possibly come my way. I was a broken wreck. How wrong I was. My boyfriend very kindly decided to share the fact that, when my body is as sensitive as it was at that moment in time, just playing with my nipples makes me cum. That became my party trick, and everyone wanted to have a go. I didn't have the energy to resist, my only choice was to endure orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, so that everyone could be thoroughly entertained by my party trick. The more I came, the more sensitive my nipples became, and the easier it was to make me cum again. I was collapsed on the floor, completely helpless to my own body and unable to control anything, while everyone stood around and laughed. That moment was one straight out of one of my favourite fantasies, and was just SO HOT. I was barely aware of what was going on, everything was a daze, but it was still hot.
Bed that evening was very welcome, especially since we were going out to Sweet Torments the following night. After what had happened at the party, I requested a quiet night. I spent most of the night sat around with friends, chatting, and being a rope bunny very briefly. But then, towards the end of the night, my boyfriend got me on my own. I was feeling unusually subby and delicate, and didn't really put up much of a fight as he tied my hands above my head and raised me up onto my tiptoes. I also didn't put up much of a fight when he got out the sash cord flogger. But boy did I scream. I already felt broken, I felt like my body had no more fight left in it, and yet he relentlessly hit my back. I don't think he was hitting that hard at all, but it bloody well felt it. My body had no reserves left to fight the sting of the knotted falls. And it was a completely different play experience to anything I had felt before. Usually, even if I am completely restrained, my body is able to deal with the pain to some extent. This was different. Not only was my conscious mind submitting to the pain, but so was my subconscious. I had completely surrendered. And it was such a release. I was in tears, and yet I kept going. Eventually, he put his arm around me and asked 'Enough?' and I was unable to answer. I stuttered 'I don't know,' and I really meant it. I no longer knew what was best for my own body or what it could take. All I was aware of was that I felt totally in awe of the person who was wielding the flogger, who knew me so well and had managed to get me into this state. I felt pathetic, broken and worthless, and yet incredibly sexy, confident, loved and wanted all at the same time. I am always amazed at what this kinky shit can do to me.
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